Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Thoughts
The more serious it gets, the more I have to choose...and the less I can depend on others' opinions. I have to be true to myself.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Start a Revolution
After years of being registered as an independent voter, I have finally found my political party home. Now I just have to move to Canada to join.
www.worklessparty.org
www.worklessparty.org
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Maria Shriver
Maria Shriver visits the Farmer's Market in downtown Watsonville. Her visit was interrupted by a protest from the Brown Berets, who were protesting her husband's (Gov. Schwarzenegger's) politics. I support the Brown Berets, but she was here in support of better access to fresh fruits and vegetables for food stamp recipients. Maybe this wasn't the time or place for protest...
Monday, August 07, 2006
Remembering Belize...
I was hit by a car in Belize.
On some days, now, almost two months later, I forget about that. More and more days, actually. I'm lucky that I am injured so little that I can forget.
But occasionally, I remember. Like now...sitting for too long in one position, and my back has a funny ache that moves back and forth across my spine, and refuses to go away when I stretch. Or like this weekend, when my right hip just feels funny a lot.
I think there are a lot of lessons to learn when one is hit by a car. Maybe my body is trying to remind me of that. I'm sure I haven't learned them all.
On some days, now, almost two months later, I forget about that. More and more days, actually. I'm lucky that I am injured so little that I can forget.
But occasionally, I remember. Like now...sitting for too long in one position, and my back has a funny ache that moves back and forth across my spine, and refuses to go away when I stretch. Or like this weekend, when my right hip just feels funny a lot.
I think there are a lot of lessons to learn when one is hit by a car. Maybe my body is trying to remind me of that. I'm sure I haven't learned them all.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Family
Finding common ground at family reunions
by David Batstone (from www.sojo.net)
Over the summer months many extended families gather for camping trips, beach holidays, or similar get-aways. The reunion can be a time for bonding and renewal of connection. It also can turn into an emotional train wreck.
SojoMail readers tend to be passionate about religion and politics. Funny enough, those are the very topics that can generate adversarial divisions at family gatherings. So for the sake of future family harmony and enjoyable vacations, I throw out a few reflections on reunion behavior.
I am writing fresh from my own extended family reunion - 19 members of my clan gathered on the North Shore of Lake Superior in Minnesota. It went much better than a family reunion at this very spot 25 years ago. We have all grown a lot.
Back then, I had just returned from two years overseas - one year working with homeless kids in Melbourne, Australia, and the other in theological seminary. Those experiences had carried me to new places in my understanding of faith and public action.
The "new" me did not line up well with the family traditions. My letters home to various family members while I was overseas suggested how much I was changing. But the reunion turned out to be the first time that we could be together to appreciate the divergence. I take at least 75% of the blame. I was young - still in my early 20s - and in the midst of establishing my own identity. So I was not looking to build bridges as earnestly as I was tossing missiles. I honed in on those areas where I had moved away from family’s beliefs. The reunion turned into an intellectually-alive event, but it was not without its pain and turmoil. As the years have passed, my family has learned to graciously accept the breadth of religious faith and political practice that we bring to a reunion. Mind you, we have not grown more homogenous; quite the contrary. But we now enjoy being together. That's due in large part to our revised expectations of what a family must be. To start, we no longer aim to argue each other into our own likeness. At the fated reunion 25 years ago, the family wanted to draw the drifting son back into the fold. I was not just wrong; I was at risk of losing my bearing. Resisting the effort, I aimed at "enlightening" them to my conclusions. Today we spend more time talking about areas of common ground. How we got into the war in Iraq is not one of those topics. So we acknowledge the disagreement and move on. The abolition of human slavery in the 21st century draws 100% support in the family, so much discussion about causes and strategies for social change takes place.
It also helps to deliberate on activities more than beliefs. For instance, describing your experiences at the refugee relief center at your church does not raise swords like a diatribe on immigrant rights. Sharing your experiences, or experiences of people who have touched your life, invites open conversation. It could very well be that a family member might try to dispute your experience with a political argument. At that stage, I find it helpful to say, "Well, that is not what my experience is teaching me."
The same goes for religious diversity. To use an example: Do not get sucked into arguments about whether Christians should do yoga. If yoga is your thing, share how your practice brings physical and spiritual benefits to your life. By and large, it is hard to dismiss a personal witness. Even if a family member does that, be secure in the fact that it is your experience.
Shifting gears, family gatherings also can turn nasty when individual members feel like they have no say in the agenda for group activities. The conflict could have as much to do with long-standing power dynamics as it does present day frustration. Instead of trying to convince everyone to, say, go fishing in the lake for the afternoon, it is far better to allow for clusters of group interests. Common meals and events have their purpose, but so does a flexible agenda for a range of interests.
Perhaps I should dive a bit deeper here. All families create relationship patterns, some healthy and some not so healthy. Once we leave the family and make our own path in life, we find greater freedom to change destructive behaviors or move out of roles that felt imposed. When we go back for a reunion, it can be troubling to find yourself slipping back to that condition you thought you left far behind.
If that keeps happening to you - and makes your family reunions miserable - think creatively about how you can avoid old patterns. Make intentional choices how you engage with the family, and frame conversations in a way that fits you. You do not have to feel out of control.
We live a real paradox. We have a free hand to write the story of our lives. But the truth is we do not start writing on page one, chapter one. We begin writing in chapter 13.
Perhaps you hate those first 12 chapters, and try to write your story afresh as if the early chapters didn't matter. But you eventually discover that the story does not make sense. Some people spend their whole lives confused because they don't know what to do with those early chapters.
Family is, for good and bad, an inheritance. Reunions can be a time to make better sense of the larger story.
by David Batstone (from www.sojo.net)
Over the summer months many extended families gather for camping trips, beach holidays, or similar get-aways. The reunion can be a time for bonding and renewal of connection. It also can turn into an emotional train wreck.
SojoMail readers tend to be passionate about religion and politics. Funny enough, those are the very topics that can generate adversarial divisions at family gatherings. So for the sake of future family harmony and enjoyable vacations, I throw out a few reflections on reunion behavior.
I am writing fresh from my own extended family reunion - 19 members of my clan gathered on the North Shore of Lake Superior in Minnesota. It went much better than a family reunion at this very spot 25 years ago. We have all grown a lot.
Back then, I had just returned from two years overseas - one year working with homeless kids in Melbourne, Australia, and the other in theological seminary. Those experiences had carried me to new places in my understanding of faith and public action.
The "new" me did not line up well with the family traditions. My letters home to various family members while I was overseas suggested how much I was changing. But the reunion turned out to be the first time that we could be together to appreciate the divergence. I take at least 75% of the blame. I was young - still in my early 20s - and in the midst of establishing my own identity. So I was not looking to build bridges as earnestly as I was tossing missiles. I honed in on those areas where I had moved away from family’s beliefs. The reunion turned into an intellectually-alive event, but it was not without its pain and turmoil. As the years have passed, my family has learned to graciously accept the breadth of religious faith and political practice that we bring to a reunion. Mind you, we have not grown more homogenous; quite the contrary. But we now enjoy being together. That's due in large part to our revised expectations of what a family must be. To start, we no longer aim to argue each other into our own likeness. At the fated reunion 25 years ago, the family wanted to draw the drifting son back into the fold. I was not just wrong; I was at risk of losing my bearing. Resisting the effort, I aimed at "enlightening" them to my conclusions. Today we spend more time talking about areas of common ground. How we got into the war in Iraq is not one of those topics. So we acknowledge the disagreement and move on. The abolition of human slavery in the 21st century draws 100% support in the family, so much discussion about causes and strategies for social change takes place.
It also helps to deliberate on activities more than beliefs. For instance, describing your experiences at the refugee relief center at your church does not raise swords like a diatribe on immigrant rights. Sharing your experiences, or experiences of people who have touched your life, invites open conversation. It could very well be that a family member might try to dispute your experience with a political argument. At that stage, I find it helpful to say, "Well, that is not what my experience is teaching me."
The same goes for religious diversity. To use an example: Do not get sucked into arguments about whether Christians should do yoga. If yoga is your thing, share how your practice brings physical and spiritual benefits to your life. By and large, it is hard to dismiss a personal witness. Even if a family member does that, be secure in the fact that it is your experience.
Shifting gears, family gatherings also can turn nasty when individual members feel like they have no say in the agenda for group activities. The conflict could have as much to do with long-standing power dynamics as it does present day frustration. Instead of trying to convince everyone to, say, go fishing in the lake for the afternoon, it is far better to allow for clusters of group interests. Common meals and events have their purpose, but so does a flexible agenda for a range of interests.
Perhaps I should dive a bit deeper here. All families create relationship patterns, some healthy and some not so healthy. Once we leave the family and make our own path in life, we find greater freedom to change destructive behaviors or move out of roles that felt imposed. When we go back for a reunion, it can be troubling to find yourself slipping back to that condition you thought you left far behind.
If that keeps happening to you - and makes your family reunions miserable - think creatively about how you can avoid old patterns. Make intentional choices how you engage with the family, and frame conversations in a way that fits you. You do not have to feel out of control.
We live a real paradox. We have a free hand to write the story of our lives. But the truth is we do not start writing on page one, chapter one. We begin writing in chapter 13.
Perhaps you hate those first 12 chapters, and try to write your story afresh as if the early chapters didn't matter. But you eventually discover that the story does not make sense. Some people spend their whole lives confused because they don't know what to do with those early chapters.
Family is, for good and bad, an inheritance. Reunions can be a time to make better sense of the larger story.
Monday, July 17, 2006
Longing
"If you want to build a ship, don´t drum up people to collect wood and don´t assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea."
Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Friday, July 14, 2006
Not I, but One Who is Greater
"The Merciful gave only this message, and even the wind also teaches us this: if you keep walking while remembering God, the destination comes to you by itself."
"God is both the goal, and the way we reach the goal. Love is both the goal, and the way we reach the goal."
"God is both the goal, and the way we reach the goal. Love is both the goal, and the way we reach the goal."
Monday, July 10, 2006
Friday, July 07, 2006
Prayer
15 But what can I say?
He has spoken to me, and he himself has done this.
I will walk humbly all my years
because of this anguish of my soul.
16 Lord, by such things men live;
and my spirit finds life in them too.
You restored me to health
and let me live.
17 Surely it was for my benefit
that I suffered such anguish.
In your love you kept me
from the pit of destruction;
you have put all my sins
behind your back.
18 For the grave [c] cannot praise you,
death cannot sing your praise;
those who go down to the pit
cannot hope for your faithfulness.
19 The living, the living—they praise you,
as I am doing today;
fathers tell their children about your faithfulness.
20 The LORD will save me,
and we will sing with stringed instruments
all the days of our lives
in the temple of the LORD.
He has spoken to me, and he himself has done this.
I will walk humbly all my years
because of this anguish of my soul.
16 Lord, by such things men live;
and my spirit finds life in them too.
You restored me to health
and let me live.
17 Surely it was for my benefit
that I suffered such anguish.
In your love you kept me
from the pit of destruction;
you have put all my sins
behind your back.
18 For the grave [c] cannot praise you,
death cannot sing your praise;
those who go down to the pit
cannot hope for your faithfulness.
19 The living, the living—they praise you,
as I am doing today;
fathers tell their children about your faithfulness.
20 The LORD will save me,
and we will sing with stringed instruments
all the days of our lives
in the temple of the LORD.
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Some tips?
Okay, so I need to figure out how to upload pictures into a gallery, instead of onto individual posts here, for easier access. And since I see that I've been discovered (after months of remaining anonymous!!!), maybe one of you has some advice on how to do that???
Thanks.
Thanks.
Friday, June 30, 2006
Thursday, June 29, 2006
A fine candidate for VP...
Obama: On Faith and Politics. Chicago Sun-Times 6-28-2006
Sen. Barack Obama this morning talks about religion and says Democrats need to better acknowledge the power of faith.
Good morning. I appreciate the opportunity to speak here at the Call to Renewal’s Building a Covenant for a New America conference, and I’d like to congratulate you all on the thoughtful presentations you’ve given so far about poverty and justice in America. I think all of us would affirm that caring for the poor finds root in all of our religious traditions – certainly that’s true for my own.
But today I’d like to talk about the connection between religion and politics and perhaps offer some thoughts about how we can sort through some of the often bitter arguments over this issue over the last several years.
I do so because, as you all know, we can affirm the importance of poverty in the Bible and discuss the religious call to environmental stewardship all we want, but it won’t have an impact if we don’t tackle head-on the mutual suspicion that sometimes exists between religious America and secular America.
For me, this need was illustrated during my 2004 face for the U.S. Senate. My opponent, Alan Keyes, was well-versed in the Jerry Falwell-Pat Robertson style of rhetoric that often labels progressives as both immoral and godless.
Indeed, towards the end of the campaign, Mr. Keyes said that, “Jesus Christ would not vote for Barack Obama. Christ would not vote for Barack Obama because Barack Obama has behaved in a way that it is inconceivable for Christ to have behaved.”
Now, I was urged by some of my liberal supporters not to take this statement seriously. To them, Mr. Keyes was an extremist, his arguments not worth entertaining.
What they didn’t understand, however, was that I had to take him seriously...
Read the rest at http://www.sojo.net/index.cfm?action=news.display_article&mode=S&NewsID=5451
Sen. Barack Obama this morning talks about religion and says Democrats need to better acknowledge the power of faith.
Good morning. I appreciate the opportunity to speak here at the Call to Renewal’s Building a Covenant for a New America conference, and I’d like to congratulate you all on the thoughtful presentations you’ve given so far about poverty and justice in America. I think all of us would affirm that caring for the poor finds root in all of our religious traditions – certainly that’s true for my own.
But today I’d like to talk about the connection between religion and politics and perhaps offer some thoughts about how we can sort through some of the often bitter arguments over this issue over the last several years.
I do so because, as you all know, we can affirm the importance of poverty in the Bible and discuss the religious call to environmental stewardship all we want, but it won’t have an impact if we don’t tackle head-on the mutual suspicion that sometimes exists between religious America and secular America.
For me, this need was illustrated during my 2004 face for the U.S. Senate. My opponent, Alan Keyes, was well-versed in the Jerry Falwell-Pat Robertson style of rhetoric that often labels progressives as both immoral and godless.
Indeed, towards the end of the campaign, Mr. Keyes said that, “Jesus Christ would not vote for Barack Obama. Christ would not vote for Barack Obama because Barack Obama has behaved in a way that it is inconceivable for Christ to have behaved.”
Now, I was urged by some of my liberal supporters not to take this statement seriously. To them, Mr. Keyes was an extremist, his arguments not worth entertaining.
What they didn’t understand, however, was that I had to take him seriously...
Read the rest at http://www.sojo.net/index.cfm?action=news.display_article&mode=S&NewsID=5451
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Psalm 119
Bits and pieces of a favorite psalm.
How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word...
10 I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands...
1 I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you...
I am laid low in the dust; preserve my life according to your word...
26 I recounted my ways and you answered me; teach me your decrees.
27 Let me understand the teaching of your precepts; then I will meditate on your wonders.
28 My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word.
I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free. Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.
106 I have taken an oath and confirmed it, that I will follow your righteous laws.
107 I have suffered much; preserve my life, O LORD, according to your word.
108 Accept, O LORD, the willing praise of my mouth, and teach me your laws.
109 Though I constantly take my life in my hands, I will not forget your law.
110 The wicked have set a snare for me, but I have not strayed from your precepts.
111 Your statutes are my heritage forever; they are the joy of my heart.
112 My heart is set on keeping your decrees to the very end. You are my refuge and my shield; I have put my hope in your word. I call with all my heart; answer me, O LORD, and I will obey your decrees...
46 I call out to you; save me and I will keep your statutes.
147 I rise before dawn and cry for help; I have put my hope in your word.
148 My eyes stay open through the watches of the night, that I may meditate on your promises.
149 Hear my voice in accordance with your love; preserve my life, O LORD, according to your laws.
How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word...
10 I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands...
1 I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you...
I am laid low in the dust; preserve my life according to your word...
26 I recounted my ways and you answered me; teach me your decrees.
27 Let me understand the teaching of your precepts; then I will meditate on your wonders.
28 My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word.
I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free. Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.
106 I have taken an oath and confirmed it, that I will follow your righteous laws.
107 I have suffered much; preserve my life, O LORD, according to your word.
108 Accept, O LORD, the willing praise of my mouth, and teach me your laws.
109 Though I constantly take my life in my hands, I will not forget your law.
110 The wicked have set a snare for me, but I have not strayed from your precepts.
111 Your statutes are my heritage forever; they are the joy of my heart.
112 My heart is set on keeping your decrees to the very end. You are my refuge and my shield; I have put my hope in your word. I call with all my heart; answer me, O LORD, and I will obey your decrees...
46 I call out to you; save me and I will keep your statutes.
147 I rise before dawn and cry for help; I have put my hope in your word.
148 My eyes stay open through the watches of the night, that I may meditate on your promises.
149 Hear my voice in accordance with your love; preserve my life, O LORD, according to your laws.
The Light Bulb
This one always makes me think of Chuck, Office Miracle Worker at John XXIII. Boy, how we disagreed politically, and boy, was he ever opinionated. But we both agreed that this list is hilarious. He died last spring. I know many people miss him. For the record, he was a Christian Scientist.
How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb? One, but for the message of light to continue, send in your donations today.
How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one because anymore would be a compromise, and ecumenical standards of light would slip.
How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb? At least ten, as they need to hold a debate on whether or not the light bulb exists.
How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb? Change???
How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb? Only one since his or her hands are in the air anyway.
How many Catholics does it take to change a light bulb? None. They always use candles.
How many camp youth leaders does it take to change a light bulb? One, but soon all those around can warm up to its glowing.
How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb? Ten: one to actually change the bulb and nine to say how much they really liked the old one.
How many Unitarians does it take to change a light bulb? We choose not to make a statement either in favor or against the need for a light bulb, however if in your own journey you have found that a light bulb works for you, that's fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship to your light bulb and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long lived, and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths.
How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb? One, but for the message of light to continue, send in your donations today.
How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one because anymore would be a compromise, and ecumenical standards of light would slip.
How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb? At least ten, as they need to hold a debate on whether or not the light bulb exists.
How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb? Change???
How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb? Only one since his or her hands are in the air anyway.
How many Catholics does it take to change a light bulb? None. They always use candles.
How many camp youth leaders does it take to change a light bulb? One, but soon all those around can warm up to its glowing.
How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb? Ten: one to actually change the bulb and nine to say how much they really liked the old one.
How many Unitarians does it take to change a light bulb? We choose not to make a statement either in favor or against the need for a light bulb, however if in your own journey you have found that a light bulb works for you, that's fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship to your light bulb and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long lived, and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths.
Monday, June 26, 2006
Letter from Kirpal Singh
Dear Ones,
May the grace of God be on you all.
We are seekers after Truth and for that purpose we have joined various religions, which are our schools of thought. Truth is not the exclusive right of any particular creed, or place, or age. It is a man's birthright. Just as every man has the right to breathe the air, and absorb the rays of the sun, we are all privileged to draw from the Unseen Source of Life, Strength, and Wisdom, which is within each of us. That infinite supply cannot be exhausted. Anyone belonging to any religion can delve it out from within with the help of somebody who is competent - call him by any name you like. Take all that you can. Not only will it suffice for you, but through it you will become instrumental in helping your fellows. Your smile will inspire another to smile. Your strength will impel another to be strong. A noble soul always draws forth the noble quality in others.
God is love, and our souls are also love and it is through love alone that we can know God. Love knows true renunciation, service, and sacrifice for the good of others without any consideration. A true man is one who is truthful, leads a life of continence, radiates love to all others for the sake of God residing in them, and knows "giving," "giving," and always "giving." We never lose anything when we give. When you give love, do you find that you have less love in your heart? On the contrary, you are conscious of an ever greater power of loving, but no one can be convinced of these things till he has applied them in a practical way. An ounce of practice is worth tons of theories.
It is a practical age - therefore, it is for us to make our idealism more practical. Believe in God, Who is Spirit; Love - the principle of all things; Who is in me and I am in Him; Who resides in every heart. We should therefore love all mankind and others. If one cannot love those whom he sees, how can he love God whom he does not see? There is a Religion above all religions which teach rituals, dogmas, and doctrines. That is Truth. Religion truly means "re" - back, and "ligio" which comes from "ligore" - to bind; i.e., to bind our soul back to Truth - God. You have to be born into the Truth. All Masters who come from time to time speak of the same Truth. We are lovers of Truth. That is the True Religion, on the basis of which the whole world can sit together and the East and West could be united.
May the grace of God be on you all.
We are seekers after Truth and for that purpose we have joined various religions, which are our schools of thought. Truth is not the exclusive right of any particular creed, or place, or age. It is a man's birthright. Just as every man has the right to breathe the air, and absorb the rays of the sun, we are all privileged to draw from the Unseen Source of Life, Strength, and Wisdom, which is within each of us. That infinite supply cannot be exhausted. Anyone belonging to any religion can delve it out from within with the help of somebody who is competent - call him by any name you like. Take all that you can. Not only will it suffice for you, but through it you will become instrumental in helping your fellows. Your smile will inspire another to smile. Your strength will impel another to be strong. A noble soul always draws forth the noble quality in others.
God is love, and our souls are also love and it is through love alone that we can know God. Love knows true renunciation, service, and sacrifice for the good of others without any consideration. A true man is one who is truthful, leads a life of continence, radiates love to all others for the sake of God residing in them, and knows "giving," "giving," and always "giving." We never lose anything when we give. When you give love, do you find that you have less love in your heart? On the contrary, you are conscious of an ever greater power of loving, but no one can be convinced of these things till he has applied them in a practical way. An ounce of practice is worth tons of theories.
It is a practical age - therefore, it is for us to make our idealism more practical. Believe in God, Who is Spirit; Love - the principle of all things; Who is in me and I am in Him; Who resides in every heart. We should therefore love all mankind and others. If one cannot love those whom he sees, how can he love God whom he does not see? There is a Religion above all religions which teach rituals, dogmas, and doctrines. That is Truth. Religion truly means "re" - back, and "ligio" which comes from "ligore" - to bind; i.e., to bind our soul back to Truth - God. You have to be born into the Truth. All Masters who come from time to time speak of the same Truth. We are lovers of Truth. That is the True Religion, on the basis of which the whole world can sit together and the East and West could be united.
Friday, June 23, 2006
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Honesty
Okay, here we go. Two things. I can't believe how engrained going to a physical place is for me in relationships. It is automatic...especially when I'm uncomfortable and don't want to talk, or don't want to face my feelings (usually the feeling that I'm not as into the relationship as X person), or just when I feel like I need a boost of confidence. It is how I keep a power relationship with men, even though that is not what I want in a relationship. I CRAVE equality, mutual vulnerability, deep love. I ENACT games, power, and feelings of comfort and perceived safety. It makes me really, really sad. I don't want to move from the uncomfortable places, or have a power/control dynamic. I want to sit with all of it, and know that I can make it as a whole person, mind-body-spirit intact.
THAT's the piece that always makes me feel like relationships drain my spiritual life. It's my lack of honesty with myself. I can't believe how often I KNOW a relationship isn't what I want, but I allow my mind to squirm its way out of having to deal with that. I tell myself it will be okay for a little while, or it's just that I'm afraid of committment, or I just need to give it some time.....when deep down I KNOW. That allowing myself off the hook, that self-deception and denial is what keeps me from being able to feel grace in my life, to feel connected to Spirit, even to just sit and meditate.
Honest relationships begin with me. I've been so dishonest, and I'm just starting to face it. It has caused a lot of people pain, including myself. I realize the first step to keeping a relationship with a spiritual life as the focus is immediate honesty.
I don't want a relationship where language about games, or who is in control, or who has whom even fits. There is something so far beyond that. THAT is what I am reaching for.
THAT's the piece that always makes me feel like relationships drain my spiritual life. It's my lack of honesty with myself. I can't believe how often I KNOW a relationship isn't what I want, but I allow my mind to squirm its way out of having to deal with that. I tell myself it will be okay for a little while, or it's just that I'm afraid of committment, or I just need to give it some time.....when deep down I KNOW. That allowing myself off the hook, that self-deception and denial is what keeps me from being able to feel grace in my life, to feel connected to Spirit, even to just sit and meditate.
Honest relationships begin with me. I've been so dishonest, and I'm just starting to face it. It has caused a lot of people pain, including myself. I realize the first step to keeping a relationship with a spiritual life as the focus is immediate honesty.
I don't want a relationship where language about games, or who is in control, or who has whom even fits. There is something so far beyond that. THAT is what I am reaching for.
"There is more love somewhere.
There is more love somewhere.
I'm gonna keep on til I find it...
There is more love somewhere."
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Dreams in Belize
I am sitting in the business center of a hotel in Belize City, my last night here. What a whirlwind week it has been. The hotel is a welcome relief from the heat and mosquitoes; the trip is a welcome relief from too much work; and this friendship that is blossoming in my heart is simply welcome.
I know now the hurt and pain--I have both caused it and felt it. But I know that it can be worth it all. I have no apologies anymore after this trip. Love is rare. I am not sorry or guilty; the time is not wrong or off. I already have so much more than I ever dreamed possible. To have it, whenver it comes, is enough.
I know now the hurt and pain--I have both caused it and felt it. But I know that it can be worth it all. I have no apologies anymore after this trip. Love is rare. I am not sorry or guilty; the time is not wrong or off. I already have so much more than I ever dreamed possible. To have it, whenver it comes, is enough.
Friday, June 02, 2006
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