Stopping by myself, in my Self.

Peace that passes all understanding
Sweet, glorious peacefulness
I understand you, God, in this moment of peacefulness.
Or at least a part, a small part, a small star orbiting you,
I feel it, you surround me softly, and I understand.
Receive, don’t receive…you are there regardless.

Green & Indigo

Chakra:
6th
Color:
Indigo
Element:
non
Starsign:
Sagittarius, fish
Bodyarea:
Between the eyebrows, third eye(On the Chakraman/woman you see where the indigo area is)
Subject:
Intuition, Channeling, clairvoyance, secret
Symbolic:
Night sky, third eye,mystical, magic
Stones:
Lapislazuli, Sapphire, Sodalith (sorry I just know the german expression)
Aromaoil:
Jasmin, lavender, mint



The meaning of indigo on the mental, emotional, spirituallevel
Physical level:
eases headache, toothache, earache
Mentalities:
Channeling, clairvoyance
Emtionallevel:
peaceful, being alone (positive), harmony,
Spirituallevel:
Deep wisdom, mysticism, Channel, meditation


Chakra:
4th
Color:
Green
Element:
Air
Starsign:
Libra
Bodyarea:
Heartarea(On the Chakraman/woman you see where the green area is)
Subject:
Space, harmony, balance, the heart, love for nature
Symbolic:
Nature, spring, faithfulness, hope
Stones:
Emerald, Jade, Rosenquarz (sorry I just know the german expression)
Aromaoil:
Roseoil



The meaning of green on the mental, emotional, spiritual level
Physical level:
Breath, lungs, heart,
Mentallevel:
faithfulness, acceptance, hope, harmony, balance, generosity
Emotionallevel:
Stillness, harmony, openness, freedom, generosity, satisfied, things of the heart
Spiritualize:
healing of the heart, one with nature, opening of the heart, spirituel new beginning

Kentucky

I forgot what it is like to feel completely relaxed...to walk barefoot in a field of soft, warm grass...to walk around in shorts and tank top with belly hanging out all day and night, and never feel cold or self-concious...when I am here, in Kentucky, where I grew up, I get occasional glimpses of a time when I didn't have body consciousness, or consciousness of time or space or negative emotions or things...it wasn't always perfect, but now, it seems, through these lenses, a kind of limitless lightness. It is easy to smile, easy to laugh, easy to run around. I remember who I was, and find out who I am becoming. What a great circle.

The same boat, the bird's call, call of wild. The dream, my dad, his health. FADE. The dream still haunts me. A prophecy. How many times will it come true?

Dear Misty.........

Old Habits

Many days of attendance at Satsang have passed;
Now give up your old habits.

For how long will you try to deceive your Guru?
Now recognize what He is.

If we ourselves would change, the whole world would change with us. It is a message for all.

You get hold of an idea and place it above all else, considering everyone else to be wrong - even if your Guru tells you something different. How long will you keep this up?

---from Teachings of Kirpal

Where to Look

Poem by Kabir
Are you looking for me? I am in the next seat.
My shoulder is against yours.
you will not find me in the stupas, not in Indian shrine
rooms, nor in synagogues, nor in cathedrals:
not in masses, nor kirtans, not in legs winding
around your own neck, nor in eating nothing but
vegetables.
When you really look for me, you will see me
instantly —
you will find me in the tiniest house of time.
Kabir says: Student, tell me, what is God?
He is the breath inside the breath. [8]

What's Right. (even in a relative world).

I have a long, moralistic, very preachy tirade forming in my head about all this. It is forthcoming in a subsequent blog. Until then, why I love Hillary Clinton:

From Planned Parenthood's Website:

On Tuesday the U.S. Supreme Court announced that it would consider the constitutionality of the federal abortion ban. The ban would outlaw abortion methods used as early as 12 to 15 weeks in pregnancy that doctors say are safe and the best way to protect the woman's health. Passed by Congress and signed by President Bush in 2003, the federal abortion ban has been struck down by every court that has examined it because it lacks constitutionally required protections for women's health.
On Wednesday the South Dakota Senate passed a ban that would outlaw nearly all abortions in that state. The ban would strip women of their constitutional right to determine if and when to bear children. It is a total ban affecting virtually all women seeking an abortion, with the sole exception of cases in which the woman will die if forced to continue the pregnancy. These attacks on women's health and safety were hardly isolated coincidences. Throughout the country, that chill wind has women seeking reproductive health care services in its icy grip. Georgia, Indiana, Kentucky, Missouri, Ohio, Oklahoma, South Dakota, Tennessee, and West Virginia are debating legislation that bans abortion or would ban abortion if Roe v. Wade is overturned.And the attacks are not limited to abortion. Across the country, states are chipping away at access to contraception and medically accurate sex education — the two vital means to guarantee a reduction in the number of unintended pregnancies. Missouri is considering a bill that would allow health care institutions and providers to refuse any health care service, including contraception. Pharmacies that refuse to fill valid and legal prescriptions for contraceptives — often supported by state legislators — are a growing phenomenon. Many states now teach unproven, ineffective abstinence-only sex education — a mandate of the Bush administration — that includes misleading or no information about protection once a person does choose to become sexually active.
Outlawing abortion will not end abortion, but it will put women at risk. If politicians opposed to abortion truly wanted to reduce the need for abortion, they would work with organizations like Planned Parenthood to prevent unintended pregnancy by supporting increased access to contraception and medically accurate sex education.
The majority of Americans support a woman's fundamental right to make personal and private health care decisions, including the sometimes difficult decision to terminate a pregnancy. It's politicians catering to an extreme and highly organized fringe who are creating the hostile climate. They are a reminder to us all that representatives who will support women's health and safety are critical to our ability to freely live our lives. --0--

From Hillary Herself:

We come to [the abortion] issue as men and women, young and old, some far beyond years when we have to worry about getting pregnant, others too young to remember what it was like in the days before Roe v. Wade. But I think it’s essential that as Americans we look for that common ground that we can all stand upon. [Our] core beliefs and values. can guide us in reaching our goal of keeping abortion safe, legal and rare into the next century.
Source: Remarks to NARAL, Washington DC Jan 22, 1999

Fewer teens are having sex, getting pregnant, and having abortions, but there are clearly too many young people who have not gotten the message. Every teenager must be reached. More has to be done to reach out to young men, and enlist them in the campaign to make abortions rare, and to make it possible for them to define their lives in terms other than what they imagine sexual prowess and fatherhood being.
Source: Remarks at NARAL, Washington, D.C. Jan 22, 1999


On Hillary's Genius:

Two days ago, marking the anniversary of Roe v. Wade, Hillary Clinton gave a speech outlining her views on abortion, contraception, and abstinence. "Clinton Seeking Shared Ground Over Abortions," said the front page of the New York Times. "Hillary in the middle on values issues," agreed the Washington Times. But Clinton isn't trying to end the abortion war. She's repositioning her party to win it...This is the other side of Clinton's message: against the ugliness of state control, she wants to raise the banner of morality as well as freedom. Pro-choicers have tried this for 40 years, but they always run into a fatal objection: Abortion is so ugly that nobody who supports it can look moral. To earn real credibility, they'd have to admit it's bad. They often walk up to that line, but they always blink. Not this time. Abortion is "a sad, even tragic choice to many, many women," said Clinton. Then she went further: "There is no reason why government cannot do more to educate and inform and provide assistance so that the choice guaranteed under our constitution either does not ever have to be exercised or only in very rare circumstances."
Does not ever have to be exercised. I searched Google and Nexis for parts of that sentence tonight and got no hits. Is the press corps asleep? Hillary Clinton just endorsed a goal I've never heard a pro-choice leader endorse. Not safe, legal, and rare. Safe, legal, and never.
Once you embrace that truth—that the ideal number of abortions is zero—voters open their ears. They listen when you point out, as Clinton did, that the abortion rate fell drastically during her husband's presidency but has risen in more states than it has fallen under George W. Bush. I'm sure these trends have more to do with economics than morals, but that's the point. Once we agree that the goal is zero, we can stop asking which party yaps more about fighting abortion and start asking which party gets results.
Admit the goal is zero, and people will rethink birth control. "Seven percent of American women who do not use contraception account for 53 percent of all unintended pregnancies," Clinton said. That number drew gasps from her pro-choice audience. I bet if she translated it to abortions, it would knock folks in Ohio out of their chairs. How many abortions are you willing to endure for the sake of avoiding the word "condom"? Clinton says we can cut the abortion rate through sex education, money for family planning, and requiring health insurers to cover contraceptives. What's your plan? Ban abortion and monitor everyone's womb like Romania did? Or ban it and look the other way while the pregnancies go on and the quacks take over?
Critics of birth control say the surest way to avoid unintended pregnancy is to avoid sex. They're right. I've heard a few liberals complain that this message is too preachy and encroaches on the sexuality of teenagers. With all due respect, it's time for Democrats to throw these people overboard. Many profound things are at stake in the abortion debate. Afternoon delight isn't high on the list.
Clinton seems to understand this. In her speech, she recalled campaigning for "teenage celibacy" a decade ago. She emphasized "the important role that parents can play in encouraging their children to abstain from sexual activity. … Research shows that the primary reason that teenage girls abstain is because of their religious and moral values. We should embrace this—and support programs that reinforce the idea that abstinence at a young age is not just the smart thing to do, it is the right thing to do."
Abstain. Parents. Religious and moral values. The right thing. This is the way to shake up the Democratic position on abortion—not with tiny defensive concessions but with a big offensive to promote responsibility and bring down the abortion rate. Bush has used a similar strategy to commandeer the education issue. According to polls, it has worked.
A message of responsibility allows Democrats to turn the moral tables on the GOP. "I for one respect those who believe with all their hearts and conscience that there are no circumstances under which any abortion should ever be available," Clinton declared. Many reporters touted that line as an olive branch. They overlooked her next sentence: "But that does not represent even the majority opinion within the anti-abortion community. There are exceptions for rape and for incest, for the life of the mother." In other words, Clinton has read the polls. She knows that most people who oppose abortion think it should be allowed for rape victims, because these victims didn't choose to have sex. From a crude standpoint of sexual responsibility, they're innocent.
Clinton spent much of her speech excoriating the administration on this question. She blasted the Food and Drug Administration for dragging its feet on approving Plan B, a morning-after pill. Then she demanded that the Justice Department add discussion of such pills to its treatment protocol for rape survivors who "may have had an unwanted pregnancy physically forced upon them." Aiming at cultural conservatives as well as liberals, she asked, "How is it possible that women who have been so victimized by violence can be victimized again by ideology?"
Above all, a message of responsibility breaks down the distinction between motherhood and contraception—the widespread attitude that there are two kinds of women: those who have babies and those who have birth control pills or, failing that, abortions. In reality, said Clinton, they are the same woman. "An average woman who wants two children will spend five years pregnant or trying to get pregnant and roughly 30 years trying to prevent pregnancy," she observed. You don't have to be against motherhood to line up behind birth control as the best anti-abortion strategy. You just have to be for it.
William Saletan is Slate's national correspondent and author of Bearing Right: How Conservatives Won the Abortion War.

What is Love?

God is love and love is God. As God cannot be confined, restricted or limited to any particularcreed, cult, race, similarly Religion of love cannotbe restricted or confined in geographical limitsand boundaries. Sri Guru Nanak Sahib's Religionof Love is cosmic and universal in its appeal,holy folds and dimensions.It is a Religion of perfect and universal Lovetotally free from man-made barriers of colour, caste, creed and status. It is a Religion which radiates with a deep thirst for the Divine andwith the highest gospel of purity of heart,mind, body, speech and deeds.It is a Religion which establishes brotherhood ofthe whole global community irrespective of colour, caste, creed, race and nationality purely on the basis and foundation of love and equality,all being the children of the same lovable God.

(from Sri Guru Garanth Sahib)

Everyday Lent

Pictures at right from protest in Downtown Watsonville yesterday.

Text from an Editorial in the NYTimes:

The Gospel Vs. HR4437
It has been a long time since this country heard a call to organized lawbreaking on this big a scale. Cardinal Roger Mahony of the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Los Angeles, the nation's largest, urged parishioners on Ash Wednesday to devote the 40 days of Lent to fasting, prayer and reflection on the need for humane reform of immigration laws. If current efforts in Congress make it a felony to shield or offer support to illegal immigrants, Cardinal Mahony said, he will instruct his priests — and faithful lay Catholics — to defy the law....
The cardinal's focus of concern is H.R. 4437...would expand the definition of "alien smuggling" in a way that could theoretically include working in a soup kitchen, driving a friend to a bus stop or caring for a neighbor's baby. Cardinal Mahony's defiance adds a moral dimension to what has largely been a debate about politics and economics. "As his disciples, we are called to attend to the last, littlest, lowest and least in society and in the church," he said.
Cardinal Mahony's declaration of solidarity with illegal immigrants, for whom Lent is every day, is a startling call to civil disobedience, as courageous as it is timely. We hope it forestalls the day when works of mercy become a federal crime.

The Boss is Coming Back

I am so exhausted. So tired. So frustrated. My boss called to complain about a report I've written...not about what I've written, but about the quotes I reported on from people in the focus groups. I can't change their quotes! What they said is what they said!

I feel unappreciated at my job. A little faith and a 'thank you' from bosses goes a long way. I constantly get the feeling that my boss feels she is "settling" for the staff she has, that she feels a large amount of anxiety about doing more, bigger, better, and that she has a thread of disappointment running through her all the time.

And I take all of it very personally. This is my problem. I know where it's coming from with her--she is defensive about her role in a large, international agency, and about the fact that this agency has become less about social marketing in recent years and more about local programming for teens. I'd be happy to make the transition, but it would be a learning curve for me and I'd need some leadership in that direction. And some slack on the 50 hour weeks. Or at least some acknowledgement of the effort.

Of course, I am blogging while at work.

Consider it a mental health minute.

Argh.

A Glass, Darkly

9ek merouV gar ginwskomen kai ek merouV profhteuomen: 10otan de elqh to teleion, to ek merouV katarghqhsetai. 11ote hmhn nhpioV, elaloun wV nhpioV, efronoun wV nhpioV, elogizomhn wV nhpioV: ote gegona anhr, kathrghka ta tou nhpiou. 12blepomen gar arti di esoptrou en ainigmati, tote de proswpon proV proswpon: arti ginwskw ek merouV, tote de epignwsomai kaqwV kai epegnwsqhn. 13nuni de menei pistiV, elpiV, agaph, ta tria tauta: meizwn de toutwn h agaph.

For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.


9For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.
10But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.
11When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. 12For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.

Sex and Love

"There's a difference between sexual desire and love. Sexual desire is a strong physical excitement. Love is a powerful caring for someone else.Love can exist without sexual desire, and vice versa. Many people are happiest when both love and sexual desire are shared by both partners."

From Planned Parenthood's website.

Hmmm. Yes, I agree that love can exist without sexual desire. Am I happiest when both are shared by both? Maybe I'm happiest at that point in relationships when sexual desire is overshadowed by love and spiritual committment. Not that it isn't still there, but that it is only a small part of a very deep well.

Hmmm.

I'm hyper-aware of all the people around me right now who place a considerable amount of emphasis on physical attraction to a person. I asked the guy I'm seeing if he had a type--a common something that runs through all the people he dates. He responded with physical characteristics. Most people do, when I ask that. There's nothing wrong with that at all, but I do find it curious. It just wouldn't be my first response at all.

Last night, my second mom and I went to a music show to see a guy in whom she's interested play. Later, she was describing a guy who's interested in her. One of the primary reasons she's not interested back is because he has too much gray hair.

My housemate doesn't want to date a guy who seems really right for her (at least right now) because he is shorter than she is.

It isn't that I don't appreciate physical attractiveness. And I'm blessed with dating a person right now to whom I am very physically attracted. But I've also dated people (in fact, at least 1/2 of my relationships) who aren't necessarily physically attractive to me, but they are attractive people. And I'm saying that not to sound self-righteous, or to pat myself on the back for being so PC. I'm saying that as something that feels mostly natural and normal for me.

Curious.

On Liking

Relationships are funny. It is an interesting play of power, and I am so good at the game. So good at attracting people I can own, so I can win. And then, we both lose.

I love the beginning. I love making the first move. It sets up that dynamic right from the start. Only I can never make a first move with anyone I already like. Too vulnerable.

Real relationships are built on vulnerability. They require us to go out on little limbs all the time...show our cards, reveal something of who we really are. And then, that practice of being vulnerable and having someone accept us just that way deepens the canyon of love, like a river flowing slowly and silently through it.

I have to work hard at this one.

Beautiful

One of five neices I'm blessed with. This picture was taken 3 years ago on a spring day in my parents' backyard.

Tools

Crocheting again.
Long strands of words
Stringing shadows from corners
Bringing light.

I don’t have any ax to grind
So I crochet.

AlamedaBoy

4
One long laughing line
Whose word? Whose Thought?
Mixed company

Days of words
Years of silence
4 minutes
Home

Signs of Stress

Okay, am I really more stressed out than I seem?
Than I know I am?

Signs of it:
--Clinging/ness, neediness for a guy (this is also related to the fact that my boyfriend and I broke up last weekend. Ya think?)--Frustration at home, needing the house to be cleaner and cleaner.
--Wanting to zone out in front of the TV instead of going out.
--Wanting to go out and buy things/spend money.
--Not wanting to talk to anyone who calls on the phone.
--Not wanting to actually meditate.

Remember, you will be tested!

Geez, are there more? I’m sure there are, but I don’t event know them.
Gotta go check out match.com now (see #1).

PurpleRain

used to be my favorite song as a kid. Yeah, the one by Prince.
I just found out today that purple is a new gang color here. How weird. And how sad that teens here grow up in a world where gangs are a real part of everyday life. Every day I hope they know that this is only one very small part of a very big world. Violence, dissension, and enemies have always existed, AND so have love, peace, and true friendship.

I have the monopoly on God's Will.....

Found on www.sojo.net (a favorite website of mine): "Last week, televangelist Pat Robertson offended Jews and fellow conservatives with speculations that God was punishing Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon with a stroke for withdrawing Israeli settlers from Gaza. Now, New Orleans Mayor C. Ray Nagin has apologized following Martin Luther King Jr. Day remarks that "God is mad at America. He sent us hurricane after hurricane after hurricane, and it's destroyed and put stress on this country."
God is displeased with our government as well as with divisions in the African-American community, asserted Nagin, who said that God "doesn't approve of us being in Iraq under false pretenses. But surely [God] is upset at black America also. We're not taking care of ourselves."
In response to predictions that New Orleans' black population - once 67% - will not be able to return, Nagin generated further contoversy by saying, "It's time for us to rebuild New Orleans - the one that should be a chocolate New Orleans.... This city will be a majority African-American city. It's the way God wants it to be." He later attempted to diffuse those comments by telling a CNN affiliate, "How do you make chocolate? You take dark chocolate, you mix it with white milk, and it becomes a delicious drink. That is the chocolate I am talking about."

I'll comment later, but really, does that even NEED a comment? sheesh.

Confessions

I realize now that hating technology (see yesterda) is soooooo year 2000. Forgive me for my sins. I've seen the light.

I have a blog...

but i'm not telling anyone I know.

Ironies:

• Last year at this time I was in seminary studying to be a minister. A typical day: reading old white theologians and criticizing them for being old and white; reading new theology by anyone more politically correct and postmodern and worshipping them together with my classmates. This year I am work in the sex ed field. A typical day: showing teens how to put condoms on penis models and explaining what a dental dam is. "Please don't open and lick the flavored condoms just to see what they taste like!

• I hate technology; our IT consultant at work told my boss to get me a typewriter or be prepared to go out of business spending all her $ on my computer snaffoos. I have kept journals religiously since I was 15 (I'm almost 27...3 weeks!) and shunned those who spend any free time at all in front of anything with a glowing screen. I now have a blog.

• I am becoming either less ironic or less creative, because that's all i can think of right now. guilt has set in for staring at a computer screen. and reruns of law and order beckon. ha ha.

I have a blog...but please don't tell anyone I know, in case I want to bitch about them here.